My baby girl Kennedy was my first born child. She and I grew up together.  She was the littlest girl in the PAWS rescue shelter.  They told me she was going to be a small dog and was thought to be about 5 months old.  She was a tiny ball of fluff.  I had just gotten married the week before and she was a wedding present to myself.  I had taken my sister with me to pick her out.  On the way home we decided her name would be Kennedy.  She started to grow!  Soon she was 75 pounds at a year old!  She was so smart and so sweet.  She was a lover through and through. 

Over the years, I had miscarried babies, had a baby, divorced, remarried, divorced again, miscarried more, and eventually remarried my first husband!  Kennedy was my rock, my one stable thing in my life.  She knew how to comfort me unlike anyone else could.  She charmed everyone she met.  She knew life revolved around her.  She was a horsy for my daughter, she was everyone's pillow.  She had a soul deeper than the ocean and eyes that could melt an iceberg!

It was the summer of 2004.  It was a hot summer and my girl had a very thick coat of fur.  She had started drinking a lot of water.  I kept putting out bigger bowls.  She was spoiled and I'd allowed her to free feed. My brother in law lived on the same property as us just up over the hill.  Kennedy was an honorary member of their family too.  In late July my brother in law mentioned to me that she was drinking a lot and jokingly asked if I ever gave her water.  I started to worry about that.  July 31st I took her to the late night emergency vet.  My regular vet was on vacation.  The told me it was a symptom of cancer and kept her over night and put her on an IV.  I got the diagnosis that she had Lymphoma.  I was crushed!

We made a very quick choice to do chemo.  The closest Oncologist was in Seattle a 3 hour drive away.  She started 4 days later, but in the mean time had to stay at the vets on IVs to try and keep her calcium down, which was sky high.  They also... without permission…shaved all my baby's beautiful coat off. 

Kennedy went in for Chemo and came out like a new dog!  She was happy perky and so glad to be home.  She had another treatment and achieved remission.  She did 4 more treatments then went on a maintenance program.

On December 27th, her lymphnodes were swollen again.  I knew she'd come out of remission.   I was beyond devastated.  It'd only been 5 months since diagnosis.  I had promised her when we started this that I'd only do one round and I'd help her go when it was time.

We kept her comfortable and I was told that she might have a week, maybe two.  She was so sweet and so precious to me I couldn't bear the thought of losing her.  On January 20th I knew the time was close and I could see it in her eyes.  The next morning I made a call to my vet.  I told her I thought it was time.  It was a long weekend and we set the date for Tuesday January 24th.  I was distraught over having a time frame set.  I spent the days and nights with my girl.  The last night I told her all the things I needed to say.  I asked her to let me know when she had gotten to the rainbow bridge and explained to her all about it.  I told her that it was ok to not fight anymore.

I took her around to family to say goodbye on the day before "the date" and everyone cried.  The day of "the date" I knew I'd made the right choice. She was so sad, and having trouble being comfortable.  She was so lethargic.  She didn't eat.  We got her into the truck.  On the way down our hill we saw a deer.  She didn't even get excited.  We saw our neighbor's goat.  She didn't get excited.  We took her though the drive through at McDonald's.  She didn't eat her burger.  She walked into the vet with no problem.  That was unheard of.

At 1:31 pm on January 24th, 2005....while lying on my lap.  I watched my baby girl cross over, all the while whispering to her that mommy loves her.  I was left alone to agonize the loss of my best friend and my first child.

Kennedy didn't suffer many ill effects from the chemo, and had a great quality 6 months with me after diagnosis.  I think she would have told me, if she could speak that she was glad for the time.  She was her normal, happy self with only a few down days.  Looking back, I'm glad I made the choice that I did. She did come back, about a week later and sent me a sign that she was ok.  I am comforted by it and once in a while she appears in my dreams and I consider them special visits from her.